Relax? If you work at it, it's golf., 29. shy as ginseng, found only. In addition to funny Poems of famous poets, there is a huge collection of other unique poems in our website. And I know I'm supposed to go toward it, But I'm being waved back the other way. 1. Harvey Penick, ThePlay A Lifetime: More Lessons And Teachings. Golf brings out the 3-year-old in us we struggle to count past 5. Well playd, my cock! 9. Golf was once a rich mans sport, but now it has millions of poor players! I am a golfing addict and every chance I get Im going to go and have a round., OK, said his wife. Cheers. His Golf is better than his evening play: That must be scandal; for I am sure that none. Read, share, and enjoy these Golf funny poems! See also: 21 Intoxicating New Orleans Quotes to Inspire Your Trip to the Big Easy, Your email address will not be published. View best golf short poems. What Is Alternate Shot In Golf? Funny Golf Meme The Part Of The Game Photo. Subscribe. This is truly a golfers dream., 75. Can I replace the hen?, I dont know about that, replied the farmer, mulling it over. Wed love to hear it. So much of children's literature features animals so I started with six delightful poems that can be memorized. 2. 6. Nay, more: tho some may doubt, and sneer, and scoff. ", She said, "Then I'll be here at nine o'clock.". O rare!but its a lieIll bet the odds! I play in the low 80s. In parties well matched how they gracefully spread. That golfer never had no one to watch. They are sun-tanned. 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Short funny golf quotes and sayings the only thing a golfer needs is more daylight ben hogan golf is a good walk spoiled mark twain the most important shot in. These top poems in list format are the best examples of golf poems written by PoetrySoup members. 11. OF rural diversions, too long has the chase. Rick W. Cotton. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. Golf humorous me sports flog is an apt anagram of golf i d watched the open and the masters and thought that l d give golf a try i hired some clubs and little white balls from the tee i hoped my ball would sail high i lined up perfectly and took a swing but the ball stayed on that little blue tee i tried again and missed it once more. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie., 3. Double Bogie: 'Casablanca' followed by 'African Queen'. How Many Golf Courses Are There In The World. That was a really nice thing to do, the second golfer says. Funny golf sayings and quotes. Golf without Jones would be like France without Paris: leaderless, lightless and lonely.. It would be shorter, but much less clever, as a straight joke. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Shrapnel may be moved on the fairway, or in the bunkers, without. The club, the spoon, the putter, and the ball: For all is doneeach ball arranged on tee. Free Daily Quotes. Im addicted. Umbrellas and gloves and club cleaning brushes, GolfIts like playing solitaire. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Noting that her husband looked more haggard and disgruntled than usual after his weekly golf game, his wife asked what was wrong. How Many Golf Courses Are There In The World. 60 GolfIt has been so well-maintained, so perfect. To Philps and to the Union Parlour near. And well he plays, though, rising on his toes. Golf: a 5-mile walk punctuated with disappointments. defend herself. Too bad his toes don't smell so sweet. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie., 39. Funny Golf Meme The Wife Love This Image. helpful non helpful. The ball strikes the ball with charm, crisp contact all the way down. #6. How to Become a Professional Golf Instructor? It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable., 83. Time to get back to the quick golf zingers! Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,. He still tossed and turned. Whiz round his head his supple club he throws. I went to the doctors, to fix my sleep. Like ones own children, golf has an uncanny way of endearing itself to us while at the same time evoking every weakness of mind and character, no matter how well hidden., 50 I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose., 51 In Hollywood, we have some of the richest unemployed people in the world. 86. short funny birthday limerick, Video Search Engine at . Arnold Palmer. In golf, the balls lie poorly and the players lie well -If you are in the hunt for some funny golf gag gifts, here's our top picks for a bunch of gift occasions. This page will feature funny quotes about golf and other humorous words about the game. It took one afternoon on the golf course. - Hank Aaron, 45. We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance., 48 Never on any golf course have I been approached by a policeman who said, Lady, you cant play with an ordinary golf ball. He thanked her and went back to his golf. Dressd most correctly in the fancy style. I don't unerstand the cures That maintenance wizards do It's called defragmenter, span disk, And virus cleaning too!. Sounder of pigs ruined golf course coming to you. Your head's starting to look more and more like a golf ball - bald and dimpled. The tip-top hands that to the Club belong; Whose play, at times, can scarcely be surpassd. And miss their puttso now the match is square. We have a great collection of famous golf poems verses our selection of golf poetry focuses on poems that are about golf and easy to comprehend. You're not "over the hill", you're on the "back nine". The funniest golf poems in existence. As part of my diet, I am golfing every day. Best golf poems ever written. I have observed, he said in a calm voice, that the best golfers do not use foul language., I guess not, said Steve, what the hell do they have to bitch about?. Neither man trusted the others scorekeeping. This Is So True With Golf And Life Quote Thoughtoftheday Lorisgolfshoppe Golf Quotes Golf Inspiration Golf Humor. The distance was insane, beyond my brain. A major golf tournament is 40,000 sadists watching 144 masochists., 26. Little Boy Blue, please cover your nose. A life built on the sands of celebrity. Confirmed, is wondrous apt to put us out. He watches the tournaments and every golf show The group raced up to the two golfers and asked a single question: What was the bet?, Steve had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he played golf with his preacher. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters., 38 If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball., 39. Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only the life that is built on the rock of character. Well take them as they come:He next the wall. Dread sound of cleeks, which ever fall in vain, Andfor mere mortal patience is but scanty. 25. Matt putted out and walked back to the cart. 'Cause then I would lose those sweet five hour buffers! A couple has just gotten married. "If you break 100, watch your golf. P.J. Driving golf carts. The female muse has sung the game of Goff. Would be all that he'd need, then you haven't a clue! May time never maim it, nor dishonour stain it; Then drink, brothers, drink, Far and sure!. Caddie: "I don't think you'll keep your head down long enough.". That they had such a man to represent them: Theres one thing onlywhen hes on the roll. Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course. Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. Lest, in attempting all too high to soar. . John told him, One stroke penalty, for improving your lie., After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and asked, Ive been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but whats a rider?, The pro said, A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it., Nick and Lou head out for a quick round of golf. A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe; a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible.. Golf Humor. As all souls are equal before their Maker, a two inch putt counts the same as a 250 yard drive. While you read these funny poems, take a moment to refresh your memory about the rules for haikus. Saturday, July 20th, 2013. And makes him miss his putt; Baird holes the ball; Thus, with but one to play, tis even all! He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. Find a reason to laugh Just look at funny giraffes Watch a funny show A transformation you will go. Now, near the hole Sir David plays the odds; Clan plays the like, and wins it, by the gods! Funny Golf Meme Tee The Ball Lower They Said Image. Health, happiness, harmony, friendship, and fame. GolfIt is a game that mirrors real life. GolfTips are like aspirin. Drink to the putter, the balls, and the hole; And may every true Golfer invariably find. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play., 42. Your spouse can nag you full time now, And your kids will still annoy you. The wine, the ale, the toasts, the jokes, the songs, It may not be! Are the fruits and rewards of our favourite game: A sport so distinguished the fair must approve; So to Golf give the day and the evening to love. GOLF TEES LAMENT Author: Larry Buddin Golf tees on my dresser Golf tees in my bed Golf tees on my pillows Where they poke me in my head Golf tees in my closet Falling from my shirts and pants Golf tees along the baseboards Just like army ants Golf tees in the carpet And underneath my feet Continue with Recommended Cookies. But in!at five yards, good, Clan holes the ball! Were here to help. You managed to survive your working years. For your special day I made you a cake. Is everything alright at home?, Not really, says Rick. He spouts meaningless numbers and hole-by-hole plays. We reach the green at last, at even strokes; Some caddy chatters, that the chief provokes. Golf camaraderie, like that of astronauts and Antarctic explorers, is based on a common experience of transcendence; fat or thin, scratch or duffer, we have been somerwhere together where non-golfers never go.. World's worst. And though it appears so very sad, Twas teacher didn't know how to add, After all these years, to your delight, It's evident you are quite bright, You see your math was always right, For it happens just . Can drive the longest ball upon the Links; And well he plays the spoon and iron, but, Near Captain Cheape, a sailor by profession. Only this time, she played left-handed and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. Here Clan and Saddell; there swing Baird and I,, Our merits, thats to say; for half an eye. GolfThe infallible test. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. 77. Golfer: This is the worst golf course I've ever played on! Whether you are looking for a poem about how bad you are at golf, or about your wife who wants you home instead of out at golf, you will find what you are looking for in this collection. They always have their golf clubs with them. If you break 80, watch your business. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Disclaimer: As an Amazon associate and associate to other companies, we earn from qualifying purchases. Golf all the dayand Houris all the night! Let us know in the comments down below! Amy. What Does It Mean When Your Golf Tee Flies Backward? Jean Giraudoux, TheDoctor In TheEnchanted A Comedy In Three Acts. Friends Play Golf Together . Do you have a favorite golf joke or golf pun that we missed? A tuning fork goes off in your heart and your balls., 63. The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. A ball moved or destroyed by enemy action, can be replaced without. Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores., 30 I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.. My husband plays golf, or at least he does try. Golf funny poems or funny poems about Golf. The Old Testament is responsible for more atheism, agnosticism, disbelief call it what you will than any book ever written; it has emptied more churches than all the counter attractions of cinema, motor bicycle and golf course., 19. Golf is a game in which you yell four, shoot six, and write down five., 30. Make her birthday memorable by sharing unique poems filled with expressions of love and joy. twere fearful falling off, In most majestic strain; let others dwell, On such, and rack their carnal brains to tell, May your wedge float high then softly drop, Is next morning at the beginning of daylight, The cold and the moodiness I easily fight, When I lay my eyes on such a beautiful sight, Hungry for adventure and balls in the air, As the wind blows swiftly and caresses my hair, A place to gather & create stories to recall, My heart warms every time Im on the green, My mind filled and sharpened with memories so pristine, Never will I forget these nights with my friends. I don't understand the Windows My computer says are there Nor the Gem Clip at the side of my page Wth eyes that blink and stare!. Whispering: Hes on the road! Hes in the burn!. Which must descend, and which must rise ahead. At each swipe she made at the ball, Earth flew in all directions. But never has there been a book like this. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive., 44. A humorous shaggy dog style poem mixing golf and sex. This Harmless Looking Little Sphere. Do NOT submit poems here, instead go to the. And freely bets round all the scarlet ring; And swears by Ammon, hell engage to drive, Thats Major Playfair, a man of nerve unshaken. Short Funny Wedding Readings. Similar to that, you can use the humorous golf sayings to make a friend or meet a golfer. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or quarter to 7.". Pam Ayres is a poet of the people, her humorous, clever, true-to-life observations has struck a chord and warmed our hearts since the Seventies.. At 15, she left school to work as a clerical assistant, before joining the Women's Royal Air Force. May the hand of a friend always be near you. ", A guy asked "what if it's pointed straight up? Clean Golf Jokes Funny Golfing Short Stories Golf One . And had a most terrible fall. 1. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Golf doesnt care if youre famous or a professional golfer. 26. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Funny Poems About Teachers. What Is A Concession In Golf? 53 Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness., 54 The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top., 55 Im not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, theyd come up sliced., 56 The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf its almost a law., 57 You build a golf game like you build a wall, one brick at a time., 58. Need a good laugh? Golf is what you play when youre too out of shape to play other sports. When August brings the great, the medal day! 71. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. Golf poems by famous poets and best golf poems to feel good. As we are confessing, I havent been completely honest with you, either. Golf was once a rich mans sport, but now it has millions of poor players! Nick was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. When he might give them two, or even more. Quote #50 "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles." G. K. Chesterton. Now optimism's in the air, A vaccine's on the way. Dont take yourself or your next shot too seriously. and man awakes, by sleep refreshd. Can be wrecked by the rains of reverses. 18. Isnt it obvious whether or not she is still alive?, Well, said Rick. Check out this collection of funny golf jokes. Golf barks U.S. Open flags Woods is out. But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell, I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell. 2. Fabric technology developed by NASA! If you are caught in a storm and are afraid of lightning hold up a 1 iron. Golf hair - Don't care! . I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games., With a big smile, he asks the others, In the States, we call that, . 2020, golf's crazy year When Covid made its call. We traverse the green, and forget to grow old; Blue devils, diseases, dull sorrow and care. Men of all sizes, tempers, ranks, and ages; The work by day, the source of dreams by night. ball!" 3 - keep the humor and the poems clean for all ages. Check out these humorous golf sayings and quotes. Golf Poets. Poems on Golf, a poetry compilation by the Edinburgh Burgess Golfing Society. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls., 24. That's what I've heard everyone say. But better play succeeds, these blunders past. She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole. 14. Time to get back to the quick golf zingers! far and sure! twas the cry of our fathers. Conclusion. I promise to love you. There s a lot to laugh about golf. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. To this day, I have never been asked by my dad to play golf. After three minutes, neither has had any luck. I'm just here for the 19th hole. 13. 'Twas not his size. you could not have done more; Tis bad, but still we may get home at four.. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals. See it's not about who watching. And to crown our delight no poor fugitive dies. His partner muttered something not so civil, Particularly, scoundrelsat the devil!, Now Baird and Clan in turn strike off and play. Short Funny Golf Quotes 52 Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.. Six! he said and then hastily corrected himself No, no. If your opponent cant remember if he shot a six or a seven on a hole, chances are he had an eight on it. Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing. 45 The main idea in golf as in life, I suppose is to learn to accept what cannot be altered, 46 It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. That little man thats seated on the ground, He talks to WoodJohn Woodwho ranks among. Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. A junior golfer was at their first golf lesson when they asked a question. Something's gone terribly wrong here, And the tunnel is getting quite hot. Life is so filled with pleasure, Im not too sure. Funny Golf Meme Who Say Golfer's Aren't Athletes Picture. A good walk spoiled. Short Funny Poems. So the dentist asks Martin, "Which tooth is it, Sir? The greats have tried. 49. Best Friends. Have you heard of Shoeless Pete. Your email address will not be published. Its top speed was 15 mph and it had just a 15 mile range it was essentially a golf cart with a windshield wiper and a horn., 69 Golf is a worriers game, inward, concentrated, a matter of inches, invented by the same people who gave us Presbyterianism.. Below youll find our 150 favorite golf jokes and puns. ", "I don't know," replied the caddie, "the worms round here are very clever. The Masters played in November And the Open, not at all. Wife: Babe, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. 36. Heres Mr. Messieux, hes a noble player. When you cheat, you cheat only yourself., Reading: 100+ Happy 42nd Birthday Quotes For Male And Female Celebrants, 29. Soooop of the eeevening, Beautiful, beautiFUL SOUP! Full many a stroke is played with heart and soul: As in the quarry, track, or sand he lies. That can be euphoric or lead to depression. Noah golf pro who can, Nick was in big trouble when he forgot his. and learn to play at Goff; The lord of Saddell and myself strike off! 100+ Happy 42nd Birthday Quotes For Male And Female Celebrants, Heres One Quote from Every Talk in the October 2021 General Conference, 21 Intoxicating New Orleans Quotes to Inspire Your Trip to the Big Easy. Required fields are marked *. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the first tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. Deepak Chopra, Golf For Enlightenment: The Seven Lessons For The Game Of Life. His well-filled paunch, and swipes beyond all praise; While Cuttlehill, of slang and chatter chief. Caddie: This isn't the golf course, sir, we left that an hour ago. Manage Settings But it hooked into the rough, making me feel pain., This is the life of a golf ball roughly slapped, I felt a bit groggy, my meal had been soggy, I raised my club back and unloaded my whip, But I hit myself painfully, forgot to clear my hips, Wailing on the tee box, as if I had stepped on Lego blocks, The spectators laughed, thats what you get when you throw rocks, She says Im losing money to golf like a drug, My wife is mad, unfortunately not mad in love, She says I play too much golf, gave my equipment a shove, Ill burn the house down if you play every day! she said, So I took my clubs out and headquartered in the shed, I started practicing on my backyard putting green, The air smelled good, it was oh so pristine, Until I started smelling smoke, the smell was dire, I turned around and woah, the house was on fire!, Never let them during your swing make a sound, Even if it were carried by a friendly mole!, He yells Hold on! An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. It seems to say, If you are going to keep company with me, dont embarrass me., 82. The friend is quite amazed: "That dog is really talented! Joey Lauren Adams, Strictly For Laughs. We are pretty confident none of these will work in the 19th hole. Putter set adroit Two wiggles to line it up Ball slips by, Yips!. The Golf Tragic. They deserve to be appreciated! Funny Golf Meme It Takes A Lot Of Balls To Golf The Way I Do Picture. Legalize Mulligans! Irish Retirement Blessing. What Is A Free Drop In Golf? Youre movie star. Putt, putt, and away! Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe -, 34. Share your thoughts with the other readers in the comments! There s a lot to laugh about golf. A tuning fork goes off in your heart and your balls., 45. How to Become a Professional Golf Instructor? 2. 24. Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. The Laird of Lingos in his proper place. After many a round he will wonder just why. 18 hole weekend golf domesticity avoided greatness eludes them. Well win it yet, if I can cross the ditch: Theyre over, smack! When his caddie then coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 10th, he lost it. With which I need not decorate my verses. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. O'Rourke. All the honours usurped, and assumed the chief place; But truth bids the muse from henceforward proclaim. golfing jokes - but they must be your brain child! Enjoy our golf jokes and golf puns! 4. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. What are poems you would like us to add to this list? Here you will find List of poems with theme as golf and also funny poems. The next we shall drink to our friends far and near; To the memry of those who no longer appear, Who have playd their last round, and passed over that bourne. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. You might also like these funny quotes about golf. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. Knock, knock. My angst is when I cant get my Porsche roof up and when I cant get my golf handicap down., 28. Dave Berry, Stay Fit And Healthy Until Youre Dead. Authors; Topics; Movie Quotes; TV Show Quotes; QuotesGram. Why do golf announcers whisper? But at St. Andrews, where my scene is laid, The thought of Golf, to witand that engages. Youve got to be the worst caddie in the world! he yelled. The golf tips on YouTube, the knowledge he gleans! We lose the match, and all the bets thereon! Funny Quotes. Down below is a curated list of some of our favorite golf poems (the last one is not a biased selection at all)! If I hit it right, it's a slice. Till we are close upon thee, on the green; And tho when seen, save Golfers, few can prize. Remote controlled buggy and replacement grips. Baird plays a trumpwe hole at threethey stare. There you go! In addition to golf poems of famous poets there is a huge collection of other unique poems in our website. And with putt well directed plump into the hole. A life built on the sands of materialism. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Category. Golf bags & gear designed fore the weekend. penalty. My partner, self, and songall three are done! "I was married to her for 35 years.". Against the sky, displayd in high relief. After many a round he will wonder just why. Herbert Warren Wind, TheStory of American Golf: Its Champions And Championships. It has charms for the aged, as well as the young. Without one loathsome feeling but the paying, And that is lessened by the thought, we borrow, Then, heres prosperity to Golf! You want to be the best at saying funny golf words in golf courses or when catching up with the PGA Tour? I havent been completely honest. 33. Golf is a good walk spoiled. 61. 11. Share Your Story Here. Sent the ball flying after it was hammered! It has been said that, at the break of day. From exercise keen, from strength active and bold. Funny Golf Quotes For Women. 7 On the Ning Nang Nong by Spike Milligan. Is Drinking Allowed On PGA Tour Golf Courses? We could all smile more while playing the game. In this article, we gathered (and in some cases wrote) some of the funniest golf poems ever for you to read, sing out loud, and enjoy. Quarantine closed the courses; The return in fits and starts.