The more I got, the more I wanted. If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. Only you can decide if this is right for you. I love her but I need sex I cant survive with masturbation, being with a woman and everything that goes with it is so important to me. Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? Although i had told him beforehand that if it didnt change I would get it on the side. Could I just ask the question? Fix it. by *someone!! Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. Not many people enter their senior years wit an active sex life, some do, but not many. But I still love my wife dearly and have no desire to cheat on her. Why do you think Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got divorced?? I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? She sleeps in the other room. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. aids that i bought. bcb When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. Im in ok shape, not overweight . The last time I had sex was in 1997. First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. Ive been married to my husband for 35 + years to an indifferent withholder for the entire marriage. Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. s.setAttribute('data-timestamp', +new Date()); As well as almost no feeling there as well. Maddening! So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. 1. I was too vain and just average. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. The Bible says to not deny one another because it leads to stumbling. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. that is all there is. Im gonna ask you a serious question please be honest. My husband had 19 affairs. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. Our devastation has completely made intimacy and sex impossible. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. But whatever you do, never go to therapists. I have no idea what to do. Our marriage became almost sexless in 2006 when our 17 year old son was killed in an accident. mine forgot my birthday this year (it is 2 days before his lol) and our wedding anniversary : ( I can not compete with his online game omg he plays 24-7 so I can relate to your problem with your wife choosing the phone over you thats cold. But, as we have read many time here, that it is OK for the woman/wife to force her husband into a sexless marriage. A woman may lose interest in sex, even in a happy marriage, if the sex does not bring her sexual pleasure. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. Lately it seems that after giving her oral sex my wife just wants me to hurry up and orgasm with intercourse. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. and possibly evil. married 57 years. I have hypertension and medications have affected my ability to get an erection. I see a divorce in the near future. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. Ive considered a fuck-buddy, but I cant do that to her. My wife and I hadnt had sex for more than a year. You need to be in the counseling with her because if there is no goal to overcome the issue then its just a feel good talk of sympathy and thats not treatment. Lame! My father and grandfather were active sexually(we discussed) into their late 70s. If you feel that my wife never initiates physical contact, you may be wondering if your marriage is doomed. Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. Someone on the side. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. You said, So my question to the men here. I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. Guess were done here . For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. That old saying use or loose it.. I dont care what age this happens to a man, somehow the blame goes to the woman for not looking her best,gaining weight, busy with the kids, not willing to give oral sex and the list goes on and on. Wish she would just say so. Please, do us all a favor and retire from the one thing you SHOULD be retiring from-giving advice. Just need the fortitude to go. I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. A subtle way of saying I will date outside the marriage. We are still asexually active and every time we see couples enjoying sex, it puts extreme sadness in our souls because we are faithful to our partner. But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! If he wont go, go on your own to express your feelings fully and evaluate whether you want to be in this marriage and, if so, what can be done to improve it. Blah blah blah. I appreciate there are many reasons MANY reason wives dont want sex and No one can or should force them to have to sex. I agree 100%. 39 TRUST ME RUN Dont walk Dont ruin your life!!!! may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. I have tried everything too, to no avail, things only get worse, not better. I love her. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. Start by losing the weight, shaving the body, washing daily, put some effort into youre own self and for Christs sake, clean up after yourself. I so badly need a woman Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. Were a distinctive, diverse collection of people aged 60 and older who are busy changing the way we age by embracing opportunities to reshape our lives, connect with and help one another, and change the world for the better all while learning, growing, and having fun! Cheating is easy and you deserve it . For women its submitting to the protector of her choosing and bearing only his children. Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. With my wife it was menopause. Sometimes losing interest in sex with your spouse is a symptom of losing interest in the relationship overall. Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. Your wife may simply just not want sex as regularly as you do, and she may not even know how important sex is to you. I dont mean to downgrade the pain someone feels with this, but there are levels to everything. Many of these comments are a breath of fresh air. If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. I always ask if Im doing the right things and she says yes. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. well she decided we will not have sex, and to top it off, she has panic if she touches me and me touching her. I didnt either with my late husband Too much cheating etc. Good luck to you all and hope the juices start flowing soon for those that feel deprived. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. I remember when certain words did the trick. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. Frustrated. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. That lie: its not important, only if you want it. And we sacrifice ourselves for them. But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. Then we got married and had kids (not that I regret) but 20 years of pulling teeth juts to get touched or even desired really hurts. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. Oh stfu. No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. Im 55 my name is Tom, I havent made love to my wife in nearly 9 years due to her having several medical issues. There is only one person I love adore and desire. Women want to be swept off their feet. 7 years no sex!!! And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Not easy for her to open up and talk about thingsbeen that way all of our married lives..43 plus years. Its only going to get worse. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. Now when it comes to my receiving oral sex to orgasm? I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. If shes not in the mood neither am I . That never goes away for most women or men. I can literally be ready with just a thought. I like cuddling. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. Dont kid yourself, she still understands a mans needs. The woman is doing two jobs, especially during the pandemic. Its not worth the stress. Because I am not attractive to her. I appreciate that No outside agency or individual can fix anything yet they get their fix of adulation with tired Info. My wife is 54 and started menopause at 46. Sorry. Hope your marriage will last till you die you depart. If I go with my friend (who is also not 100% and we have the same pace, easy and slow) he ridicules me that I have energy to shop, walk her dog or just sit and chat over some tea. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. It is equally open to the man to be charitable by eating alone. For many of us, male and female, the virtue of sex resides in the shared experience. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. She wasnt as attractive or as fine a dresser, and my adolescent mind didnt see her as the choice for my good looks. Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. Tall. Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! I am utterly fed up with being in the friend zone or occasionally doing it with what might as well be a sack of potatoes. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! In addition, he doesnt suffer from ED or any other similar issue, but he seems to feel that sex is for procreation and once that part of life is over (as it surely now is), so is sex! You cant really blame her, can you? I am 53 and my wife is 55. Have some fun with someone now and then would help .. any reply on if cheating what to look at to find someone Where???? I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. He is a kind man and I love him. Gopa explains how such mental health issues can affect your physical intimacy. If you have to ask whats so I important about having sex, you must be doing it wrong. Either her body and hormones are so off that she needs the support of . It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? In the real world things are very different. Those hormones can cause cancer. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. Amen. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. oh when either of leave the house or return there is a generic kiss. Dont know what todo he wont talk about his 30 years in sexless marriage. I chose the platter for one. I told her that men my age generally took longer to orgasm and for sex to be mutually enjoyable, we both needed to have pleasure. What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. John, where do you live, and do you play golf regularly without your wife ? The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it. only issue. unless you feel he is better then nothing. If men want more sex the this is what you should do. Your story is very very simular to mine. */ And its been going that way for years. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. 2. She may begin to stop seeing herself as a sexual being as she assumes the role of mother, a role that society often strongly desexualizes. With so many of us in similar situations, it would be nice if we could just reshuffle the deck, at least in this one area. 1. I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. Very true! Then she wakes and l turn my head to see her reach across pick up the phone and begin scrawling through and tapping away. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. She replied yes. No sex 7 years!!! well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! They complain that the wife was open to sex anytime anywhere when they were dating but it all changed after kids were born. Every time he gets mad he threatens to move out. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. Because we always hear guys complaining! If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. If you have always been the one to initiate intimacy in your relationship, take a step back and tell her how sexy you think it would be for her to be the one to reach out. .! Makes me happy Im not married. Hope now your problem will be solved. When they stop they stop. How about finding self-worth in volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen? Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. Hi Christi, the best thing about this article is the comment section! 6. And one factor is being a caregiver. It might be time for you to be more responsible and let your wife have some me-time. Pamper her with a spa day or take her out on a nice vacation for two, to break the monotony and give her the relaxation she truly needs and deserves. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. Im 63, sexless for many years, and your essay really hit home. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. I am sorry but I think thats just nuts. She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. Should be a Clause in sickness and health and sex also! both my parents are senior. Willsounds like you live in the stone agesworks for you.but most woman like a say in whether they would like to be touched or not. Stay with it, work on it with her. You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! Wow. But wasnt it lovely when we were young and lithe and our bodies would do anything we asked of them? I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. Without going into details - I am 100% certain that it was satisfying for both of us. My ex was 16 years younger then me. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? but you most certainly are putting up with it, by acquiescing your role in your own home and your role as the male in your relationship. Its good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. she feels palpitation and jitters and she perspires just as the thought of it.. bottomline, my mom just wants companionship but my dad wants more. Whether male or female, each of us made a promise to love and honor our partners either through marriage or by living together. Thanks for your candid note. Let the in-laws or best friend care for your children for a day or two. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. She told me years ago that weve had all the kids were going to have, whats the point?. We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. 3, stop calling her names and no more fights with give you more chances of having sex with her that night. Come to find out my wife was getting hers on the side. Its maddening! Whatever it is, the impact for you is that you don't feel loved or cared about the same. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her? I also think they pretend to be happy. The scenario you posited is anything but. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). He is absolutely wonderful father and husband. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. After the Revenge cheat she had the nerve to So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. Woman think if they dont want a penis inside them that thats it, no sex. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. First, that every interaction will be based on trust. People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. But if neither of those possible remedies to the sexless marriage proves satisfactory, then perhaps the couple should agree to allow the husband to seek sex outside of the marriage. If you love him why cant you help him be happy a few times a week I dont get that part, it is just a little bit of your time and you could set all the rules or boundaries of what you are and are not willing to do. It is frustrating, but I would never give up our marriage over it. At first when we were dating this were fine. I figured this was my life, deal with it and shut up. 5 Marriage Problems That Most Couples Face And Their Solutions, My Wife Is Not Interested In Sex And Sometimes It Feels Like I Am Having It With A Dead Body. Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". My point is, most of the sexless marriage problems are from the man not ruling. Finally after 40yrs he tries to help and cares more now than at any point all the times before. So all women who married men and saw this first hand, from 14 to 80. At least between us. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. That had bee. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. I went elsewhere a few years back. She had here ovaries removed due to cancer risk, after sex was painful and pussy all dried up, tried lubes and no luck and still painful when my rock hard penis went in her sweet pussy. Although she initially helped with my toddlers, she eventually lost interest and helped only occasionally. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. She is a vegetarian and a purist in many ways, rejecting hormone therapy because of the published risks of breast cancer associated with hormone therapy, though small, my doctor stated. I have rekindled a relationship that ended over fifty years ago with a woman I dated right before I met my wife. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. Working with a therapist will help you learn to ask her how she prefers to be touched and help empower her to guide you. But, you must remember that this rejection of your sexual advances is often triggered by some underlying reasons. I am aware of the risks, and am more than willing to live with them, rather than go back to how I was before. I love her. , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Do they shrink with age? If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. I do not understand why they got married in the first place!!! Been in sexless marriage for 45 years! I have (age 60+) gone right off sex. Hes changing tooisnt capable of long walks or hikes anymore, which is still something I love to do. Nerves responsible for pleasure become less prominent and less sensitive. If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. Thank you Jeff! And I feel its unfair for me to try to fix something that Im the only one thats putting effort into. Youre guessing that your wife might have vaginal atrophy, but you dont know. But from a womans standpoint, we need emotional love BIG TIME before we can go there. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. She is 33. I appear to have some value to her as a friend, roommate, handyman, gardner, earner, companion, but not in any intimate way. So Im frustrated as hell, but I love her and wont cheat on her no matter what. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. I think it was William Shakespeare who pondered what an irony it was that desire usually so outlasts ability. Sex is extremely painful, regardless of whatever I use to try and counteract the problem. Just give him some and hopefully he will stop keeping you awake. She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. Bitter? Married a little over 50 years! If I was younger, much younger I would have more options. If he would quit his demands, realize Im not who I was, be cheerful and easy, love life and just lighten up, Id make sure he is sexually satisfied WAY MORE OFTEN. The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants. The thing thats in the way the most for me ISNT all the atrophy, the breast surgery, the continuing oral chemo therapy, the fatigue that I have. I will do what makes me happy because obviously no one else will. Am I undesirable? As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. But it isnt. Or make a deal with him, sounds very strong at 76. But I have stayed true to her for our entire marriage . this.page.identifier = PAGE_IDENTIFIER; "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. In long-term relationships, sex can be the fastest route for . Quick and fast is also good. interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! Unfortunately I dont, as it seems were merely friends but certainly not lovers! You are not catering to her sexual needs, How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating, build a successful relationship after cheating, communication exercises with your partner, 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. Weve been married 27 years, sex It is possible that a lack of sex may have shifted your focus on physical intimacy whereas a lack of emotional intimacy may be driving your wife away from the idea of sex. Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. I think if my husband was interested in sex, even if it is too small and limp now, he would at least try to help ease my throbbing desire. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. If your wife has recently lost interest in sex, it might be tied to her feelings about her body these days. that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. Please explain to me. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. I knew I had to do something. Good luck. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. Now its Im sore there. We havent had sex in 6 months and she has rejected my advances numerous times. We both have health issues What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks.
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