Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. After that, the body has to be cremated. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. Honorary pallbearers do not actually carry the casket at a funeral, and they do not serve at a memorial service because there is no casket present. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. If you want to do something now, send a donation as suggested by the family. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. In many rural areas of India, gender inequalities still exist where the men adopt the head of household position. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Then go with your intuition. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Offer your help in other ways, such as ushering, delivering a reading, preparing the program for the service, or assisting the family with plans for the service or for any reception afterwards (if there is one). Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. After the funeral, friends may visit the bereaved, usually bringing gifts of fruit. I am sorry for your loss. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. LinkedIn. Instagram. As there is no room for error, it is better to go prepared than be caught by surprise not knowing how to respond in such situations. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. Talk to your friend's family. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. The mourning period lasts for 10 days after the death. Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. May Lord Krishna grant you strength. While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. Visitors must realize that none of these questions would bring the person back; there is no second chance in death. This link will open in a new window. Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. It may not display this or other websites correctly. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? If your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died is more casual, it may be best to wait until the wake, funeral or memorialservice, or after the funeral to reach out. Choose from trainer trainings, seminars, live-online workshops, and self-paced online courses, to best meet your etiquette training needs. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. You have a great responsibility now. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: So, the actual funeral takes place at the deceaseds home, although actual events can be considered a wake according to western standards because of its short span. Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. In any context, bad manners are those that make other people uncomfortable. Remembering Loved Ones on Holidays, Anniversaries and Special Days Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. This depends on personal preferences. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. Duplicate and frame favorite photo (s) of your loved one for family gifts. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. "Mukhagni" or a cremation ceremony. Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. Friends and family visit the bereaved during the period of mourning which in Hindu traditions lasts for around 13 days. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. 4. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. Harper San Francisco. Unless we actively keep our phones in silent mode, a loud and abrupt musical ringtone tearing through the silence can be quite unsettling during the visit. Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. If you decide to let her attend, prepare your daughter by letting her know what the service involves and address any questions she may have. While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" Have a shortened version ready in case you find yourself breaking down. Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. Introduction to Hindu Funerals. His commitment to creating a better world was apparent in every project he started. They'll surely understand. This link will open in a new window. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. advice. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? There is an intense period of mourning immediately following the cremation or burial service which lasts thirteen days. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. On behalf of this community, I would like to offer our heartfelt condolences and prayers to your entire family. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). Is 'Leela' an appropriate tamil brahmin name for a baby girl ? If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. E-mail shouldn't replace a handwritten condolence note, but it's a nice way to let your coworker that you're there for her. In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. In fact, unless we are absolutely certain of the familys religious and spiritual convictions, it is better to avoid the topic altogether, and give them some space instead. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. If they are in hospital, it is helpful to inform the chaplain about their spiritual needs (with the patients permission). Thats why cremation is preferred. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. The urge to dish out free advice and meaningless platitudes must be resisted. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. This link will open in a new window. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. It's up to you. 15. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. Determining the best time to contact the bereaved generally depends on your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died. Hinduism and Bereavement | Good Thinking For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. Bereavement Questions and Answers Emily Post Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. All Rights Reserved. Our expert guidance can make your life a little easier during this time. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. 8. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. is the best and appropriate choice. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. People should wear white and not black. Divorced parents should include it in their holiday visitation schedule, especially if they get the day off of work or their child gets the day off of school.. Keep in mind that this can be a particularly important holiday for military families because it honors individuals . Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). Unfortunately, blaming the healthcare establishment is a convenient way to vent the inevitable anger and grief. Hindus generally prefer cremation over burial and the funeral usually takes place as soon as possible after death. At the point of acute loss, the person will be numb and will not be able to listen to long lectures and suggestions by visitors. forms. It could be anything from a gift of fooda casserole, a fruit basket, or some brownies for the family and their visitorsto an offer to house out-of-town relatives or friends. Please Click Here on how you can do that. Visitors are also welcome during this period. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. For instance, the death of a teenager is perceived differently from that of a 90-year-old. Not only is it unnecessary to bring flowers to the service, but you are expected not to bring them. The soul is unborn, eternal, immortal and primeval. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. Your mother had a happy death. Read digital editions of Vanitha, Weekly and more Last Updated Wednesday November 25 2020 03:54 PM IST. It is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, immovable, and primeval. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. It would surely be a meaningful and caring gesture. Sacrifice is not uncommon for Hindus, even if internalized. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. For a parent, sons and daughters are equally precious. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. Hindu Funeral & Death Rituals: A Complete Guide - Memorial Planning It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. Unexpected death, especially of the violent type can result in an emotionally supercharged situation, requiring us to tread very carefully to avoid offending anyone. Funeral Flowers Etiquette - Floral Traditions by Culture and Faith During the ceremony, the last food is offered and flowers are arranged around the body. 2. If thats the case, then you would express hope for the path after death to be more apparent than the one during life. What to do: Mourners may dress casually. Are others going to be speaking about her? Many people follow thirteen days of. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Atma is beyond space and time. Blaming the family for not doing enough. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. In either case, develop a list of questions that your friend will need to answer. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. JavaScript is disabled. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. 5. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. It's fine to ask others to share their memories and weave them into your eulogy. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. It is also important to listen keenlythat is, without looking at our watches in between, fidgeting with our fingers or letting our eyes wander. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. Although some people may attend the cremation ceremony, non-Hindus are not allowed to participate in the mukhagni ceremony. As absurd as it might seem, in todays fast-paced world, there are instances of people placing wreaths on the wrong coffin, and even consoling strangers after mistaking them for immediate family. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. . Other mourners are expected to stand. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment.