I want everyone reading this post to pray to God to take me. Missing you always.". But there is no clock on grief and it is such an important message to get across. The body is never the same again, but healing does happen. I have family near and it helps. Love and thoughts to everyone who have spoken of the pain, we sadly have to suffer. Thank you for all your comments and thoughts you are sharing. Everyone learns to readjust to it just being us that arrives for get together Some relationships didnt make it. The Other Side of Grief is a series about the life-changing power of loss. Ive lost both my parents and many significant others but my child is the absolute worst. Ive been bombarded by e-harmony and match.com. He was 48 and we were married 27 years. Praying at night sends me off to sleep. It will be two years this month. Allie: your situation is so like mine. I needed to move on. Not forgetting, blending them together. I dont weep all the time now but I can hit all at once, mostly at inappropriate times. That I went into flight mode and tried to protect myself from anymore pain, from the hurt. We saw his body deteriorate the last 4 months and he held out for as long as he could for us. Now Im on my second year this is August 2018. My mom will be gone 2 years this coming May. Ill always miss him. I do know that he is at peace and at rest. I just wish I could see him, kiss him and hug him one last time but most importantly tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him. Your loss date was quite close to mine. So much ahead-so many great plans. If the second year is worst than the first I do t know if Ill survive. I also did acupuncture in the ears to help with the grief. She managed to beat breast cancer but mysterious complications ultimately took her life. Again, thank you and bless you all. I believe that the Lord made our hearts for relationships, and that we are not to go life alone. Im sorry i dont have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone. So I dont open to her, she has a lot of anger, which doesnt help me at all. Its just about me now. I know how you feel because I to,lost my husband two and a half months ago,and wish someone would share something to keep me going without him. I just cant see me with anyone else. Going to church hurts, even though it is suppose to be a healing place, we spent a lot of time together up there. Right now, choose life - seize your divine moment. Its just that sometimes a song, a memory, or something someone says rips it open again, and you have to let all the emotions out so you can heal again. The inability to function is real. I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer in 2003. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. This is the question I heard relentlessly from friends, co-workers . Now I have to keep moving forward with out my other half. Warning: If the Start_date is greater than the End_date, the result will be #NUM!. Therapy has really helped integrate my anger. He died in hospice and seeing him in a comma 9 days, and finally passing on still plays in my mind. The second year was guilt as I moved further from her friends and family (honestly, we moved from each other). We bought this old farm house many years ago and we worked hard to make it the home we wanted. Not my own plan. I feel as though Im nothing. & loving companion passed 18 months ago. I feel guilty a lot because how I acted towards her through it, it just seemed like no end in site. How does one explain, the years of laughter, loving, holding hands, winks toward each other, many, many memories of simple days I lost my wife on December 2017 to cancer. Linda, your comments really moved me because I totally agree with you. My third recommendation is a book titled Overcomer by Dr. David Jeremiah. Please dont do that. How do I start to heal? He was 74, had some health conditions, though not that serious & was relatively able, fit & healthy. you are so right. All I can say is my best to you and sadly we are not alone in our thoughts. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. I miss you so much. He was watching Sport Center I told him I was taking a quick shower and then Id join him. Hang in there. it helped and still does. I just want to isolate myself so people wont try to tell me to feel better when I cant. Some days I still feel so depressed he was my best friend. His sister, my Mum died when I was 13 & lived in Ireland (he lived in the UK), our life turned inside out, no real help, Father ignored us, out looking for another & drinking heavily. Good luck! I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. His father had heart disease and We knew he had probably inherited his fathers genes for heart disease who passed at forty six and his father before him passed at forty two. Was told it would help. Lean on the lord. but just lately especially coming up to xmas memories are coming too me all the time. This loss has left me feeling like i have lost all ability to find any happiness. I have lost all my strength without him. Whatever the truth of mortality is, I wish someone would have told me in those early months that no one else can know or own your love. Dear Kim; I know exactly how you feel, and what youre going through I lost my husband almost 5 years ago, the anniversary of his passing is coming up next week :,( as time passes by it has not become easier for me, I still have terrible meltdowns, and I too hide my pain from my grown-up children, friends, family and co-workers, I dont want them to worry about me or feel sorry for me. Even though my brother was in the military for twenty four years and had been gone most of the time from the family. I dont understand why! How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? Well then so so much has been such a consequence that its like my late husband made use meet. And I cant move on. With it being almost 2 years since he passed away and my 2nd birthday without him being a couple weeks from now, Im drowning. Thats hard at 69 . Its so unnatural and wrong. As for grief, youll find it comes in waves. is worse the waves of gut wrenching I know most of what I am feeling is normal I have had it with the insensitivity of some friends one in particular This is my 2nd Christmas without my beloved husband of 30 yrs. I miss you. Pray. I go out with my friends and volunteer but as soon as I get home I go right down. In the first year after her death, I felt her presence twice, and heard her voice in a dream. I have been dating someone for six months now. I too lost my soul mate and love of my life 17 months ago after 24 wonderful years together. They are always with me. Hes doing it for a reason to help us. I feel exactly the way you do. I move from day to day and find some confidence that I have made it this far (although I dont really care) and other people have too. Like trying to collect hundreds of acorns in your arms and they keep falling while you desperately try to hang on to each and every one. Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. I lose my husband two weeks ago. i feel like i am stronger than this, i know what i should be doing, but i find myself communicating by email, and everyone has gone back to living their life as they should. Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. Perfect grades and many friends. The waves, as mentioned still come but now we feel the need to hide them which isolates us more. I spent the first year in tears, confusion, shock, and disbelief. Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? visitors from Social Media Sites (referrals) So sad. Reading all of the comments on this forum I just dont feel that my grief is normal- I love and miss him so so much so just dont understand how I can just carry on with my life and am not at breaking point anymore. So much loss for them too. My dad passed away Mar2016. I sobbed daily for two months. multiple pages visited We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. But I miss my husband every day and feel Im in an impossible situation. Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? I was 18 and 18yrs when I meet him he was 21. I feel I can,t cope. I thought, in some detached way, that things were getting better. Still in a trance i suppose on autopilot she was only 52. Jackie, you spoke the words of my heart. My husband died after a failed kidney liver transplant in October. I am living in France and English is my second langue. Similar to your situation I bottle all my emotions inside of me, deep deep down because I didnt know how to cope with his loss. I am 76 and my health seems OK but mentally I am a wreck. But, I had to stop after his death & I was sick. Florida Statutes require you to submit the original Will to the clerk of the court within 10 days of the person passing, while Florida Statute says this, no one holds you to this rule for obvious reasons. I cry everyday. Ignore them but do not hold it in. I feel like I am broken and never will be fixed. I cant go bact to where mum passed away or even look at the place when passing same listening to a song that was played at mums funeral. Im supposed to just forget. I have an idea. I hope your find strength in coming months x. Hi. Yes, my husband just dropped dead at the gym nearly one year ago to the day. Someone asked if I was a widow. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness. I am finding this second year incredibly hard to deal with. I have less friends here now because my husband is no longer here. I took them for 2-3 weeks then went on a Mindfullness course and was able to stop the tabs easily. I pray everyday for the lord to take me. No bots, proxies, or datacenters I do have some hope to give you. I am so sorry that we are all here. The fact remains I just dont know what to do most of the time. This second year is so hard in a different non-surreal way. This is my first time reading all the posts. I too no longer have a purpose, no longer care about life or myself. My 20 year old son passed away unexpectedly 12 months ago while with his young pup and friends at a river. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. I still have to live. So in addition to trying to process her death, I still find myself saying to myself What happened? So I started dating. It has been 6 months since the first dog's death, Nugget. That makes me mad in itself that I cant compare this loss to others for so many different aspects. Today I took an afternoon nap and when I woke up., i finally got dressed at 5:00 why bother. I miss him as much today as I ever gave. They got to return to their life. How could you do this to me? This is the most difficult life battle I know I will ever have to endure. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. it feels like there is no end. He fell and hit his head, passing away very suddenly. We waited so long for each other. I am shattered, dont want to live without him, and every morning I still wake up after a night of praying and pleading to The Creator, to please let me go Home to join my beloved soulmate. I am tired all the time, cant get rid of this upper respiratory infection, and have gained back most of the I just want five minutes with my mum. Believe me what has help me here recently is reading all of these post, people have told about losing their loved ones. Everyday I am wishing for him to come home, I am hoping that one day he would knock on the door and said Im home, the emptiness is killing me everyday, We misses him so much. My boyfriend Michael passed away suddenly two years ago. I saw your post. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. Thanks for your wirds, Ann Hi. But I have many things I need to do first before then. I know thats not possible and I told myself early on that my life had changed forever and I am still trying to get used to the new normal That doesnt stop the pain, though! Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? He was my best friend as well as my Father. How did any of you get up and do something for yourselves? I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. I was in total shocked! Big hugs. Those, who simply tell you to move on have either not lost someone of such great meaning or perhaps, are incapable of such a relationship or are repressing their own losses. This makes me hurt even more I live now in constant prayer for my darling to be in the joyous comfort of our Father and Jesus and that when Father is ready, He will call me Home and reunite us together as He joined us together in 1980. Everyday is a battle, i lost many months that is unaccountable for and emotionally not coping. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. Wondering if others of you who are still grieving the loss of someone you loved very much, have been attacked like this, by so called friends, or family. You might even expect that of yourself. I lost my wife a year ago. I gave up everything of my old life when I came home and I dont regret a minute of it but now I feel so lost. I also am only 2 months in after the loss of my husband ..21 years of marriage and 5 children the latter of which keep me going ..he lives in them. I Lost My Mom 12 Years Ago. I was numb the first year, but now Its really hard. I keep busy volunteering, taking line dancing class and helping with my granddaughters. I wish I had that one more everyday. Found him on the floor at 5:45am. I cant function with this . Cry daily cannot stop crying. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). I wanted so much to go back to that day and be with her the whole time. It isnt any easier if it happens early or later than anticipated. So thank you for all the sharing here. It was the Uncle who lived in the UK that was my one of my last links with my Mum & their early life, this is what is hitting me. I do hope this helps someone or anyone who is going through a really hard time. I could punch her in the mouth when she says that. I was no longer surviving it, I was Feeling it. I just cant think of even one good reason why I am here. 100% safe for your site Go. Doctors said it was rare and implied we were lucky that he lived as long as he did. Its been A year and I cry every day and cant enjoy anything. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. As seasons go, you would probably consider this one very dark. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. I am more aware of the many blessings I have & have learned to cherish every moment of my life. Right now, this moment, put away the baggage from the past, shake yourself free from the fear of the future unknown. Everyone tells me I should be better but I am not. And I took him of life support. As you say if God gives us a window, along with you- I am waiting. I have days of no energy or ambition. I have to keep tip toeing forward. She stopped walking 3 months ago as her brain deterioratedkept alive with a PEG feeding tube. Dating isnt an option because in my heart I am still married.